Doing It Portie

"I can’t believe I have to write this next sentence but, here goes: crawling on the floor weeping while you puke all over yourself is not healthy." Crossfit quote on Pinterest.

Several of my closest friends adhere to a workout scheme called "Crossfit." Others claim they are cultists, but those are my friends so I won't apply that label. Mostly.

After observing several crossfit workouts I have concluded that I, too, am a cultist. To wit:

Begin by sitting on the sofa, feet up on the coffee table, laptop on lap, writing. 3...2...1...hit it!

Portuguese Water Dog barks at the back door. Lift laptop and sit forward in one motion (back straight!). Place laptop on coffee table. Stand. Walk briskly to sliding glass door. Open. Dog exits, close door. Return to couch, sit. Back straight, lift laptop, place on lap. Feet up. resume writing. Second Portie barks to go out (don't ask why they don't all go out at once).  Lift laptop and sit forward in one motion (back straight!). Place laptop on coffee table. Stand. Walk briskly to sliding glass door. Open. Dog exits, close door. Return to couch, sit. Back straight, lift laptop, place on lap. Feet up. Resume writing. Third Portie barks to go out (we're dog sitting).  Lift laptop and sit forward in one motion (back straight!). Place laptop on coffee table. Stand. Walk briskly to sliding glass door. Open. Dog exits, close door. Return to couch, sit. Back straight, lift laptop, place on lap. Feet up. Resume writing. Biggest dog barks at other dogs in neighbor's yard. Lift laptop and sit forward in one motion (back straight!). Place laptop on coffee table. Box hop over coffee table. Sprint to sliding glass door. Yell at dog. Yell at dog some more. Run to where dog has target lock. Yank incredibly strong, focused dog back into the house. Chase cat that has run out open door. Close door. Return to couch, sit. Back straight, lift laptop, place on lap. Feet up. Resume writing. Second dog barks at back door to come in. Lift laptop and sit forward in one motion (back straight!). Place laptop on coffee table. Stand. Walk briskly to sliding glass door. Open. Dog enters, steps on my foot. Hop on other foot five times. Close door. Return to couch, sit. Back straight, lift laptop, place on lap. Feet up. Resume writing. Third dog slams into door thinking it is still open. Lift laptop and sit forward in one motion (back straight!). Place laptop on coffee table. Stand. Walk briskly to sliding glass door. Open. Dog stares at you. Yell at dog. Dog enters, close door. Return to couch, sit. Back straight, lift laptop, place on lap. Feet up. Resume writing.

Elapsed time, five minutes. Not enough of a workout? 

Squirrel defeats squirrel-proof thing on bird feeder. Big portie sees squirrel and the barking begins.

Repeat Portie.

And...you're Crossfitting!