A Thought Experiment

 

noun

noun: influencer; plural noun: influencers

1. a person or thing that influences another.

   "he was a champion of the arts and a huge influencer of taste"

   • Marketing

     a person with the ability to influence potential buyers of a product or service by promoting or recommending the items on social media.

     "influencers can add serious credibility to your brand"

      
     

   We've had a week.

    

   

   
   In light of that, or maybe in spite of it, I thought I'd do a little experiment. Apparently, in the realm of marketing a product (novels, for example) it helps to be an "influencer." So, I'm going to try my hand.

    

   Apparently, that word is new enough that even Google, in its omnipresence and omnipotence, hasn't loaded it onto the spellcheck for Blogger. And, as a writer, it is important for me to stay ahead of the game, so to speak.

    

   I always wanted to have one of those Hollywood names. You know - Writer, novelist, influencer, gadfly, blogger, one-eyed cyclist, former professional hero James Greer... Okay, the professional hero thing is a little over the top, although at Roosters Grooming Center if you are a first responder the haircut you can request is the "Professional Hero" haircut, which provides their usual cut at a discount. Although, it sounds more like a sub you might order at the Firehouse Sandwich Shop. Welcome to Fiiiirrrehouse...
   

    

   So I'm going to try my hand at influencing. I'm going to recommend an item. We'll see who I influence.

    

   I am partial to a certain kind of breakfast, one for the lame and lazy... No, that won't do. It is a breakfast for the active and engaged, for those who are clearly on their way to interesting places to accomplish meaningful things (life is about adjectives, a writing class taught). It is portable, self-contained and does not require utensils beyond the construction phase.

    

   The first step is to scorch some bread. "Make toast" seems overly general, as toast can be those little Melba things, or the tiny teeth breakers they make at the grocery store out of day old baguettes. Scorching without burning is essential - the smoke alarm scares the dogs, and ruins the taste. So, a mild scorch. Also, if you've ever tried this dish non-scorched, you know the mess you make when the bread tears.

    

   Next is butter, not margarine.  One of my favorite authors, known for his thick and often impenetrable writing (The Black Swan, Skin in the Game), asserts that human beings have spent thousands of years assimilating butter into their digestive systems, but mere decades with margarine. Which is healthier and easier on the body, he asks. Butter tastes better, and if it is calories you're worried about then a workout ("Doing It Portie") is in order. Nassim might be a total asshole, but I think he's right on this point.

    

   The next layer reflects personal preference. Peanut Butter seems to have three varieties - smooth, chunky and "a big piece of the peanut." Almond butter is also acceptable or, for the Whole Foods crowd, cashew butter. Almond butter can get a little dry once it has sat on the counter for a while, though. Be lavish, be aggressive. Just be careful about feeding it to the dogs because, no, it isn't funny when it gets stuck to the roof of their mouths and they run around wiping their muzzle against the furniture.

    

   There you have it. Enjoy.
   

    

   If you have just thought "I could use some peanut butter toast this morning" I've reached a new milestone in my writing career.

    

   Now, how about a good book to read while munching on your breakfast? The hot links are to your right on the screen.