Saturday, August 1, 2015

A Fine Football Team

"Of course, we do have a fahn football club, with some fahn football players on this fahn football team." Any football coach, responding to any question about his football team.

Reporter to losing coach: "How about your team's execution?"
Coach: "That's actually a fine idea."

The radio in the unmarked car I drive was set to sports talk. I decided to listen, in case they discussed why the Rockies traded Tulo. Not that it rocked my world much - but my replica Rockies jersey has "Tulowitzki" on the back. I suppose it's like a change in music format - "Guess I'll have to buy the White Album again." But, I digress.

Some sports guys were interviewing new Bronco head coach Gary Kubiak. Now, Coach Kubiak is no stranger to Denver, having played as John Elway's backup for years, and then becoming the offensive coordinator. Even though he'd moved on to other venues, it wasn't like this was a new city.

It also isn't like Denver's press corps is especially hostile when it comes to the Broncos. Come to think of it, right this very second there is nothing to be hostile about. Training camp, such as it is, has barely started. And, as much of it as I understand, there really isn't an off season any more. Players stay in shape, work out together and the team hosts "mini-camps" to make sure no one has forgotten how many pounds per square inch of pressure belongs inside the football.

Okay, that's not fair. Most football players are pretty bright because the game has changed since the days I rooted for Sonny Jurgensen, Tommy MacDonald and the Philadelphia Eagles. "Gimme the damn ball and get out of the way" has changed to multiple formations designed to confuse the other team into throwing an interception at the three foot line...yard. The one yard line. But, again I digress.

So Coach Kubiak is being asked about his routine, now that football season has "begun." It is, apparently, daunting. It requires multiple cups of coffee to get his heart started. "How many?" he is asked.

"Well, you know, that's kind of situational."

Huh? Would a collective gasp emanate from Dove Valley...sorry, the UCHealth Training Center...were the outside world to know the precise number of cups of joe Gary Kubiak ingests? Instead of "Omaha" is this year's cadence call going to be "Peaberry?" But, wait! He's then asked what time he gets up in the morning, now that camp is underway.

"Of course, we do have a fine football club, with a fine staff."


 Coach Kubiak has a fine future in politics. I turned the channel to classic rock.

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