The victim is always someone still attractive in death, and maybe had a sympathetic life story. Single, uses a dating service. Ends up on a floor, a white chalk line around her, eyes skyward. Rope around her neck. Detective Karen Sorenson stands over the body, a crime scene photographer snapping a few frames, using a little scale he puts next to the silk fabric of the recently deceased's plum-colored nightgown.
"Oh, that's something you don't see every day," the crime scene guy mutters under his breath. Click. Click."What, the positioning of the body?" Karen asks.
"No. She's been strangled with an Anderson and Owens guitar string. Looks like the low E. They are made in Bakersfield, California. Buck Owens started the company when he invented the Bakersfield sound. Hard to get, maybe one shop in town carries them."
Karen and her partner exchange a glance...
And, we're off.
I could start a novel like that. In fact... But, do you know how I'd never get one going?
Law porn.
One of the hardest, and most boring, things to teach recruit police officers in the academy is how to read law, and apply it. Seriously - something they will do every day of their career, and it's amazingly agonizing to teach. Why? Because people are not conditioned to think the way they have to learn to think.
The above is a murder, right? Eventually Karen will find the suspect gigging at some coffeehouse near the local college, trolling for his next victim. Halfway through a rendition of "Guitars, Cadillacs" the foot chase is on. The guy is cornered, the monologging begins...
But, there is no chance - I mean NO CHANCE - Karen and her partner will be described engaging in the most elemental part of their investigation. To wit:
What statute applies, what are the material elements, and what evidence proves each and every element beyond a reasonable doubt.
Yet, for each new officer, it is imperative to learn to read law and apply it. Let's use an example from an introductory class I teach.
Jim and Pat have visited their retirement counsellor, who has told them they will have to supplement their income with a side job. Jim says "I have guns, you can drive. Let's go rob the local Sevie." Pat agrees, and drives Jim down to the 7/11. Gun in his pocket, Jim enters the store, but - SQUIRREL - is distracted by the cookie dough treats in the freezer section. He forgets (because he's old) to rob the store and leaves with his dessert. What crime have Jim and Pat committed?
Most of the recruits will blurt out "Attempted Robbery." When asked to support that legal theory, I get the most interesting variations on the puppy dog look. Big, round eyes, head cocked. Puzzled.
It is a skill that does not come intuitively to anyone. Through painful repetition, we work through most of the Academy to get them thinking like a street cop - identify the issue, apply the law, make a decision. It is painfully mundane, so much so that you will never...okay, I guess rarely...catch me writing Karen analyzing a statute.
It's what she really does for a living. It's what all of us really do for a living.
