Goaltenders of the World, Unite

 You have nothing to lose but your chains.

Karl Marx...sort of.

This is the city, Los Angeles, California. Beaches, movie stars. Home of the LA Kings National Hockey League team. They work there. They carry sticks.

Into town come the visiting first place Colorado Avalanche, at the tail end of a grueling but successful West Coast road trip. Once again depleted by injuries to key players, they were primed for a stinker. And that's just what they laid down last night. It looked like Our Avs had removed the metal blades from their skates, "maneuvering" on the plastic blade frames.

Our boys were badly outshot in the first period, to the tune of something like 20-3. One would expect them to enter the first intermission down a couple of goals, with a tongue lashing from the coach to accompany their recovery drinks. A few F-bombs, several "up your game" moments, perhaps a Herb Brooks-esque "Candyass!" comment under his breath.

No, they went into the dressing room tied at Zero. For those new to hockey, that means zero. Badly outshot, playing back on their heels, Avalanche goalie Alexandar Georgiev - born in Bulgaria but a dual citizen also of Russia - positively stoned the Kings. He played "big," was routinely in perfect position and when the Kings players swarmed he was an acrobat. Known for his quick feet, LA players several times fired the puck at what appeared to be an open net, only to have one or the other of Georgie's leg pads appear as if materializing from another dimension.

The next period ended 2-2, the onslaught continuing. In the end, a wild final period in the books, the score stood Avalanche 4 - LA Kings 3. Shots on goal 23 for Colorado, 41 for LA. Obviously, this kid from Bulgaria played an indispensable role in securing two more valuable points in Colorado's run up to the play-offs. That's first star of the game material. But, wait!

The stars of the game are picked by local hockey "authorities." Since this game was played in LA, that's where these "experts" were found. Consequently - having obviously watched a different hockey game than me, they chose two Kings as first and second stars, and Avs forward Denis Malgin as third star.

This is not something about which reasonable people can differ. I call for the Denver DA to seat a Grand Jury and investigate. There is something sinister afoot, and justice must be served. 

Seriously. Doesn't Stormy Daniels work in LA? Where was she last night?