Cat Paws

 You can't enjoy art or books in a hurry. E. A. Bucchianeri.

I'll say. The master at this has been reading The Heart of the Matter one page at a time for the last two months. Not just one page a day, but one page...periodically.

The reader has gotten past the title page, the acknowledgements and is into the introductory material. Karen is with her training deputy - called FTO or FTI for field training officer/instructor - and they are discussing how her previous years in law enforcement make her different from recruits without experience. Readers who have picked up this book (without reading Out of Ideas) are introduced to who Karen Sorenson is, where she's from and how she finds herself in a sheriff's office patrol car.

And...that's it.

So, you ask - why do I care?

The answer is necessarily mercenary. I get paid by Amazon as a self-publishing freelance writer one of three ways. 

A person purchases a book, either an ebook or a paperback. Assuming they don't return it (which happens) I get a royalty amounting to a little over a $1. They can do whatever they want with the book after that. I prefer they read it, love it and decide they want more, but aside from trying to write compelling stories I don't have much control.

A person who has a Kindle Unlimited subscription can read the book. Every few pages, I get a penny*. Read every page and I get...a little over a dollar.

A person can have an Audible subscription. Listen to a few pages, I get a penny. Most of the books are available on Audible. The AI voice is remarkably good, although some of the things obvious in text take some getting used to as it is read. That is remedied in A Matter of Principle, which will be the first of my novels written specifically with Audible in mind.

Or... Someone leaves their Kindle open to Heart and their cat swipes at the screen occasionally. If so - good kitty! 

 

*Band of Brothers aficionados are now saying, "Got a penny" like George Luz did.

 

Are Ya Good?

 First responders are such an emotional wasteland. Rachel Feinstein, comedian.

Let me first begin by saying she's fine. If she wasn't, I wouldn't be writing this.

In the aftermath of wife Pat taking a spill during a dog walk, she was telling the story of it - the dog zigged, she zagged and in the effort not to fall over the dog she ended up in a heap on someone's front lawn - a friend said, "And Jim went, 'WHAAAAA??!!"

No, Jim didn't.

 Comedian Rachel Feinstein describes going to the hospital to deliver her first baby, with her husband (a New York City firefighter) driving them:

We had to stop so I could get out and puke. He just rolls down the window, leans across the seat and says, "Are ya good?" Are you kidding me....Are ya good? I'm carrying his child and all I get is, "Are ya good?" That's what you say when you're helping someone with a sofa.

  I was distracted at the time by our little Havanese, who paces just before she decides to poop. False alarm, but when I turned Pat was on the lawn of a corner house, looking like this wasn't the initial plan. Jed, our ancient Portuguese Water Dog, stood staring at her with an expression approximately like I must have had.

"What happened?"

See, I can be sensitive and empathetic AF. Rather than laugh, or be dismissive, I asked a question before jumping to a conclusion. She and the dog had disagreed on who was going where, rather than fall on him she'd tried to finesse it and, failing that (more on that later) chose a lawn instead of the sidewalk as a landing spot.

I let her sit for a moment, to collect her thoughts and assess herself. Bruises, maybe. No blood. How about we try to stand? Ah, she was good...

Ultimately, it turned out that she'd wrenched her big toe, which prevented her from staying on her feet but was remedied the next day (not for nothing are chiropractors called "bone poppers"). A bruise here, a scuff there and few ice packs and aspirin later... 

Nothing to get excited about. She's an athletic and robust woman for whom a little stumble isn't the end of the world.

And I didn't even have to roll down the window. 

 

On the Road to '76

 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu

It was fifty years ago that the late Charles Kuralt, famed CBS reporter and travel writer, began the subset of his famous and award-winning, On the Road series. He referred to it on air as On the Road to '76, and it would become not just one of his most memorable bodies of work but a blueprint for my own journey.

My college roommate and I (not, as you might suspect, over beers) discussed some sort of trip that might interrupt our quest for degrees at Northeastern University, in Boston. Frankly, I don't remember what he was going to do about his trip or if it ever came to pass, but I concluded abruptly, and somewhat carelessly, that I was going to ride a bicycle across the country.

I've written on this subject before (It's the Mileage). What I am remembering today is that fifty years ago a small band of TV chroniclers set off from Massachusetts in a motorhome, on their own personal road to explore America, especially small town America, during the Bicentennial celebration. Ironically, I was at school when that happened.

I followed every segment on the CBS Evening News. While I struggled with fitness goals, accumulated cycling and camping gear and prepared for an incredible unknown, On the Road gave me glimpses into what was ahead. It was often inspirational when the gray winter days of Western NY (and graveyard shift as a security guard at Xerox) made my quest seem unattainable, even idiotic.

They found, as I would a year later, that our country is populated by wonderful, cheerful, helpful people. It is big, bold sometimes and bucolic other times, and delightfully ours. It was then, and remains, a place to love.

So, to Charlie and the gang, happy 50th!  We're on the road to '26. It's been bumpy, sometimes we have to give the whole enterprise a push, but what a hell of a ride.

Happy Birthday, BCB

Bikecopblog turned sixteen last month. There was no cake (or, more appropriately Key Lime pie) nor were there cocktails. The milestone, if you want to call it that, passed with more of an "Oh?" than an "Oh!" I sat down to write a blog about my blog.

And then...

A friend once described this moment as, "Jim is out of words." Ironic, no? A writer who has kept a blog going for more than 16 years, nearly 800 posts (not all published) and 314K hits just...runs out of words?

What Is Right?

Deputy Claudia Jean (Cici) Onofrio is going into work one beautiful Colorado afternoon believing her biggest problem is deciding whether to stay at mostly rural Arroyo County Sheriff’s Office, or move to an urban department in the Denver metro area. She’s wrong. A More Perfect Union

Your phone "rings." It is your sergeant, calling on your day off. Of course you let it go to voice mail. You're not a rookie, or in line for promotion.

Yeah, um... When you get this, get your gear together and report to headquarters. The President is having a giant pissing contest with our mayor and governor and there is some big protest this evening. The Guard will be here.

What do you do?

I wrote A More Perfect Union to provide one answer. Maybe it's not your answer - one reader said frankly, "It's my least favorite of your books."  Maybe you'd see it a different way, like several of the people I talked with while the novel took shape.

Maybe you think Cici should have turned in her gear. Fair enough. But, as events around the country ebb and flow, it is a question being answered in police departments all over America.

It is a law enforcement axiom that one should never go anywhere that their mind has not already gone. Officers have had many opportunities to think about what they would do. It shouldn't be a surprise when the call comes.

What would you do?

Hot Fun in the Summertime

Noting the passing of Sly Stone, musician.

This song was a huge presence on AM/FM airwaves circa 1969/1970. Sly and the Family Stone had a number of hits around then, but this was the song I remember the most. Why?

Who doesn't remember summer as the best time of year. Especially to a young boy growing up in Western New York (snow removal capital of the world) the summer months were a welcome respite from gray, dreary and cold. School was out and, except for the misfortune of having seasonal jobs (among them picking corn for a local farmer) there was fishing, bike riding and kick-the-can games until dark. Pick-up baseball, swimming in the backyard pool. Hot dogs on the Barbie... Bike rides.

Those are great memories, aided by a band that knew how to put just the right tone on the season. Thank you for this anthem to the best days.

Everywhere, Signs

 Sam Clayton (Gene Hackman): See that he does it! You see to it. 

 Carbo (Jan Michael-Vincent): What he said, is it that important? 

Reporter (Robert Donner): Must be. He said it twice. 

Bite the Bullet, (1975)

First, the tone on my phone alerts me that there is a person on the driveway. Then, a different sound chimes when they have reached the front porch. Finally, if they press the button on the Ring doorbell Alexa tells me they've pressed the button on the Ring doorbell.

Joy goes nuts.

For a seventeen-pound Havanese she sounds terribly ferocious. Jed, our fifty-pound Portuguese who really is intimidating, stands next to her to do the IFF - identify, friend or foe. Joy regards anyone not a "peep" to be hostile, and treats them accordingly. To put it mildly, a shit show ensues.

To minimize this...

I really don't need a reason to put up "No Soliciting" signs. There is one visible from the street, staked into our front flower bed. Another, for those who have broken the outer perimeter, is on the door. I suppose a ten foot electrified fence, gun towers and drone surveillance would be a bit much...maybe not, but it's my call. We have signs.

They work, because I've watched people on our driveway-cam look at the ground level sign, turn around and walk away. Not only is there fair notice, but people actually have the common damned decency to honor them. Fair enough?

Yesterday, two people disregarded the sign and rang the doorbell. Chaos ensued. Sometimes, it's obvious who they are - first responder friends/family stopping by to say hi, neighbors, Xcel... Sometimes, it's also obvious they "Just want a minute of my time." Usually, I don't answer. Last night...

"Hi, we represent a leadership organization collecting--"

Uh huh. I demur ("No, thank you" is recorded by the Ring) and close the door. That wasn't so hard. The ring also picks up one of them saying, "Dick." Since that's not my name they probably meant someone else. That was that.

We went out front this morning to take the dogs for a walk and discovered that someone had stomped our sign into the ground. Because our truck is parked in an unusual place we don't have video of the crime, but...

Circumstantial evidence is indirect evidence that does not, on its face, prove a fact in issue but gives rise to a logical inference that the fact exists. Circumstantial evidence requires drawing additional reasonable inferences in order to support the claim.

On the old "Perry Mason" show they went on at great length about the presence of "motive and opportunity." Here, I totally draw the logical inference that one of the assholes who came to the door last night decided to take out their ire on the sign they seemed to find so...distasteful.

My wife, whose doctorate is in leadership studies, mentioned that damaging our sign was a poor example. I had to agree.

Mine is in law. Giving money to unvetted door-to-door solicitors is sometimes to unwittingly be party to a crime. Fly-by-night organizations collect up a few dozen street urchins, give them legit-looking documents and their charges start banging on doors. The kids get to keep a few bucks, the company gets the rest and...

Unvetted is the key. There is no way, in a brief encounter at the door, to know if these are legit students of leadership or just pushy individuals hoping to make a few bucks on a Friday night.

Given what happened, my sense is the circumstantial evidence points to B.

Should you encounter these delightful young people, tell them Dick said hello, that the damage they did to my sign was easily corrected and they should pay attention next time.

I said it, twice. It's important.